11:17 p.m. - Sunday, Oct. 05, 2003
October 8: Matt's Birthday
Today has been a really great day for me. It was absolutely beautiful outside here in Tennessee. I had a good time visitin' with a friend, BB, and her grandson. They came to visit with me. The little boy, BH, is five. He was so darlin'! He has beautiful blond hair and the sweetest smile. I just love little boys. They are so precious!!!
They'd been out shoppin' at Walmart and had picked BH up a Halloween costume. It was a Spider Man costume in red, blue, and black, with a hooded mask that had circles cut out for the eyes to see through. The material was thin and so BB bought him a pair of long thermal underwear and a thermal top to wear beneath the costume. BH told me that he's goin' to a party instead of goin' out door to door. This is greatly encouraged since door to door trick or treatin' is so dangerous to do any longer.
It's a shame that the world is gettin' so cruel and uncarin' that to some folks it's fun for them to hurt little children by hidin' razor blades and poisons in candy. The world is a very sick place.
We put on "The Bourne Identity" and watched most of it but BB wanted to get home before it got to be late because she had to take BH home for school tomorrow. He's in kindergarten this year. BB really enjoyed what she saw of "The Bourne Identity" and said that she would rent the movie and watch it over again along with the ending. I think it helped that I explained some of what was bein' done before we watched it. That way she had a better understandin' of the movie when she did see it.
I am still readin' the second book of the Jason Bourne Trilogy by Robert Ludlum. This book is very good also. It takes place in Hong Kong. Someone is impersonatin' Jason Bourne and comittin' murders for hire in his name. So the CIA kidnaps his wife, Marie, and makes him think that it's this impersonator who's done it so that he will go after him. I love these books! I want to read lots of Mr. Ludlum's books. He's got a lot of them to read too! He is now one of my favorite authors.
I took a look at the Word Perfect program that I have on this computer. I'm goin' to have to read up on it. I'm sure it will do more than just let me type letters. I've heard of Word Perfect, but have never used it. I brought up the program on the computer and began readin' some but then I decided I am too tired for any readin' that requires a lot of concentration. Also I'm anxious to read more of my novel, so I didn't really want to get into readin' about Word Perfect tonight.
Dang!!! It just dawned on me that today's October 5th. I need to get Matt's birthday card into the mail tomorrow. I got him a sweet little card with a bear on the front. I know, I know...He gets humonguous numbers of birthday cards most likely from all of the millions of fans he has. But it will make me feel better just knowin' I sent it to him anyway. To me it's not so much whether he sees it actually or not, it's more about doin' it because it makes me feel good inside to do it. Plus, who knows? He might just take notice of my card and I just might get something back from him.
I did from Ryan Merriman when I first wrote to him. He sent me back two autographed photos of himself which contained information taken from my letter in the autographs makin' them much more personal. Ryan's such a wonderful actor. And I think that Matt is kind of like Ryan. He's down to earth and carin'. But I won't count on anythin' and that way if Matt should send me somethin' from him, it would be another big surprise to me.
I have this feelin' that Matt's leary of fans right now however. He mentioned in one interview something that sounded like he may have had a stalker at one time. That's sad. I like the actors, but I wouldn't allow myself to get so carried away that I would want to follow them around and actually harrass them. And stalkers make it very hard for other fans who don't do that kind of thing, because the actors think all fans are like that. I hope they've caught Matt's stalker if he did, indeed, have one. I respect the privacy of the actors I admire and wouldn't think of causin' them to feel uncomfortable with me. It would upset me greatly if I thought Ryan or Matt were upset with me for any reason. I kind of like just knowin' that I'm not well-known to them. I've experienced rejection before from people. It's very painful. I dont' think I could stand rejection from those whom I admire on screen.
One time I went to a lecture given by someone who was a favorite author of mine. I was the only one who actually brought one of his books with me as far as I know. And at the end of the lecture I approached him for his autograph. I picked up on the feelin' that he didn't really like bein' bothered by my request and I felt bad that I had even asked. He signed my book, but after his reaction, it just didn't have the same effect. So, like I said, I'd rather just remain a complete stranger to Ryan and Matt and just do the things I do for my own personal satisfaction rather than to draw attention necessarily to myself.
Yes, I did have the personal phone call from Ryan last Christmas. That was so very nice. Ryan is a genuinely kind and thoughtful person. So it was a treat speakin' with him. But I don't know if I'd really want to do it again. It would seem too much like stalkin' almost. One time was a great gift even if I did more or less pay for it by my bid. It was a once in a lifetime experience that will always be very special to me.
Every now and then I write a fan letter to Ryan. Maybe once a year. Again that makes me feel good to try to write words that I hope will encourage him. Actors generally like to hear good things about themselves. I try to make my letters encouragin' and I include things that I think he might like to hear like how attractive he is, etc. He is attractive, so that's no lie. But again, most of what I do is because it makes me feel good to do it. And writin' to the actors makes me feel like I'm a little bit involved in helpin' them to go on. I know their job is not an easy one and they deal with rejection a lot themselves like when they sometimes get turned down for movies. So I feel like writin' is like a kind of thank you for the enjoyment I receive in bein' able to watch them. It makes me feel good to do it.
