2:49 p.m. - Monday, Feb. 23, 2004
Monster Boy
Because I haven't had much time lately to update Belle's Journal, I have decided to use a story I've written in place of an entry. I hope you will enjoy it. I wrote this last year when D and a few of us were writing short stories and poems in rapid fire time to share with each other. That time was wonderful and I enjoyed it immensely. I hope to begin updating again very soon.--Belle

Jaimie looked up from her locker and out into the crowd of students moving, pushing, calling out to their friends, between class periods. Just as she did her eyes caught site of what made her halt in her efforts to exchange books from her locker. The Monster Boy she had heard rumors of was walking haltingly and with strain through the crowd in her direction. Jaimie knew she was staring, but she couldn't help it.

This was her first year at East High School and this was the first time she had ever seen Wesley Kendricks. She'd heard remarks about him made by some of the other girls at times. Wesley was often the brunt of jokes made by students who didn't really know him. Sometimes girls would refer to him as "Monster Boy" To Jaimie, Wesley seemed gigantic. She had heard stories that a couple of years back Wesley had been a much loved and admired football hero by everyone at East. He still had a muscular appearance but as a result of the brain damage from the accident, he could no longer walk correctly. His legs turned inward and one arm was permanently bent at the elbow and remained folded across his mid-riff. Wesley had been an attractive boy before the accident had left his face scared. Paralysis had caused him to have an uncontrolable scowl instead of the smile that must have once been there. Only his eyes betrayed the loneliness he really felt in this crowd. He probably at one time had been one of these students who were laughing and talking between classes as they virtually ignored Wesley. People would move away from Wesley, opening up a pathway for him to walk crookedly down as he headed for his next class.Jaimie felt embarrassed that she had stared at the boy so hard. At first Wesley had shocked her senses. He looked so sad to her. She had heard that because of the brain damage, his doctors had felt that a return to school, with interaction with other students, would be beneficial to him. It would provide stimulation for him to think and use his brain once again.

She took a breath and got the book that she needed for her next class just as Alex Pepper spoke to her from beside her. "Hey, Jaimie. How's it goin' so far?", he asked as she closed the locker and smiled at him. They talked for a few moments as they walked down the hall until they reached Jaimie's next classroom. Then, with a wave and another smile, Alex continued on to his next class. Jaimie had met Alex during the summer right after her family had moved to this new city. She had not yet met too many people, but she had liked Alex immediately and they had dated. Then before school began, Alex had asked Jaimie to go steady with him; and he had put a ring on her left hand that contained two hearts entwined. Jaimie thought that was a little quick on Alex's part but at least this way neither of them would have to worry about having a date on Friday nights or for dances. She liked Alex and was willing to see how it would go for awhile.

Jaimie's thoughts returned to the Monster Boy during her class and whatever the teacher said was completely lost to her that hour. The next hour would be time for lunch, something she didn't deal with too well. She had tried sitting in the cafeteria, talking to others, until they began to question why she never ate anything day after day. She would always buy a small salad and get a cup of water. Then she would pick at the salad and joke with the guys when they'd tell her she needed to put a little meat on her bones and would urge her to eat some of their cakes or sandwhiches.

One day Jaimie discovered a window in a stairwell that seemed to be the answer to her lunch time fears. She began coming to the window and sitting there during the lunch period. She would sit on an indented area of marble wall in front of the window and look out and down upon the other sections of school buildings that were visable from there. No one bothered her. Sometimes she'd read or study.

Alex was in a class that returned from lunch a short time after Jaimie arrived. The first day of her visit to the window she was shocked to see Alex and the other students coming up the stairs to return to their classes. She hadn't realized that he came up that set of stairs. Usually she'd seen Alex in the cafeteria for a few minutes only in passing. Now Jaimie again saw Alex in passing, only this time on the stair landing. He later questioned her about what she was doing there and had seemed to accept what she said about just not wanting to eat at that time and instead had found a quiet spot to study alone for an hour.

Jaimie would sit in the window each day and smile at Alex as he passed up the stairs. He had given her his sweater to wear. It seemed to be important to him that she be seen in it, so she wore it nearly every day. Alex was proud to see her with it on. Then one day as Jaimie sat in the window, reading, she noticed someone coming up the stairs only a short time after she'd arrived. Because the stair way had solid wall railings, she saw the red hair before she actually saw the face of the Monster Boy. Wesley seemed to have no trouble with the stairs though he moved a little slower than most. She wondered where he was coming from? Which class? Did Wesley have lunch at that time also.

The first couple of times this happened, Jaimie either just smiled in acknowledgement or didn't even look in his direction at all after she saw the hair appear. Then one day, Wesley stopped at her window and spoke to her.

"Do you sit here every day like this?" Wesley asked. He had a nice voice, but she would be embarrassed to have anyone see her talking to him.

"Yes." She replied. "It's quiet here." He didn't go away. He stayed, standing beside her as she looked out of the window. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. While she didn't look at him, she could pretend he was just any other boy which made it easier for her to talk.

Finally, Wesley moved away and continued up the stairs. Jaimie breathed a silent sigh of relief but at the same time pondered his voice which was soft, deep, and sad. The next day Jaimie was there and Wesley came again, spoke to her briefly, but remained seconds longer than the time before. Then he left and not long after that Alex and his class came up the stairs. Each time the visits became longer and Alex began to see the Monster Boy sitting and talking with his girlfriend every day.

One Friday evening, she and Alex had some heated conversation about Wesley but they didn't break up over it since she promised Alex that there was nothing going on that he should be worried about. Alex said he couldn't understand why she didn't just go to the cafeteria and they wouldn't be having this conversation.

Jaimie found the sound of Wesley's voice coming into her thoughts time and again. She discovered that she was even thinking about the next time they would meet. Jamie was surprised to realize she was actually looking forward to hearing his voice again. She was curious about him and knew that she wanted to know more about this Monster Boy whose voice was so tender and whose eyes were so sad.

One day as she knew Wesley was coming up the stairs, Jaimie had trouble keeping a broad excited grin from showing. This time he spent nearly the entire time with her. When Alex saw them he didn't smile back at her as usual. Instead he looked from Wesley to her and gave her a hard unkind look. Was he angry or just embarrassed that his "steady" was being seen talking to the Monster Boy?

Jaimie and Wesley spent some very happy hours that year talking. Jaimie could tell that Wesley had some trouble with speech at times. He would stutter over certain words. But he seemed so kind and liked for her to talk about herself. Wesley was a fantastic listener. He asked about her relationship with Alex. He seemed at times to know more than she had told him.

"Do you love Alex?" Wesley wanted to know after several months of conversation between them had passed. They had become close.

"I don't know....I know I like him really well...I don't know if it's love or not." Jaimie explained. But she knew it wasn't. Not really. She felt a bit uncomfortable with this line of questioning. And she was soon to find out why she felt as she did.

"I want to ask you something." Wesley continued. Jaimie had at last become able to look at Wesley with no trouble at all. She barely noticed the scars any more. His eyes and his voice sounded so gentle to her. She wondered how long it had been since Wesley had dated a girl? It was sad to think of the possibility that he may not have dated anyone since the accident. She remembered that she'd been told that Wesley had been very attractive and popular before the accident. Now he seemed so lonely and he ate up every ounce of attention she gave him.

Wesley sat in the window beside Jaimie and looked directly at her as he said: "Do you think sometime that you might go out on a date with me?"

Jaimie was stunned. Why hadn't she seen this coming? She should have seen it. She should have done something, said something,, before it happened. Finally Jaimie found her voice again and felt relief at the answer that she could honestly give to get her out of this fragile situation.

"I'm going with Alex, Wesley..." She whispered gently, as she watched the light in Wesley's eyes fade.

"If you weren't going with Alex...Would you date me?" Wesley wanted to know as he looked once again into Jaimie's eyes for an answer that might destroy him..

Jaimie knew she had to be very careful. She had to think logically about what would be the kindest thing to do. She cared about Wesley as her friend and she didn't want to hurt him. She had the protection of knowing that Alex was her excuse out of this delicate matter. Her main concern became to let Wesley down as easily as she possibly could. And she wanted to allow whatever fragment of Wesley's ego might remain to stay intact. She didn't want to be the girl to take all hope away from him. She didn't know if what she was about to say to him was right or wrong, but it seemed the kindest thing to do at the moment. Jaimie knew she was lying, but it was for a good cause, she reasoned. Or was it for her own selfish sake?

"Yes, Wesley, if I weren't going steady with Alex...I would go out you."

"Break up with him, Jaimie." Wesley said quietly.

"No..." Jaimie whispered.

Wesley was on his feet before Jaimie knew what had happened and in an instant his fist slammed into the concrete wall beside the window. He didn't show any evidence of being hurt physically. He didn't make a sound. Jaimie knew it had to have hurt, but not as much his fist as his heart. He stood completely still with his fist against the wall for a few seconds as if he was thinking. Then he turned away from her and she watched Wesley as he walked unsteadily back down the stairs. She saw his red hair disappear below the bannister railing.

After that, Jaimie didn't see Wesley around anymore. He didn't come to the window and she missed him. She considered trying to find out where at school he might be so that she could at least see him and make sure he was alright. Jaimie was told that Wesley was out "sick" and so she sat alone for several hours, missing classes, as she did a lot of deep thinking about him and toyed with the hearts ring on her left hand.

The next day at school an announcement was made before classes began. Everyone was quiet as they were told about Wesley Kendricks' death the day before.. He had an anneurism and died quickly and almost painlessly the announcment reported. Jaimie heard the words and felt as if she was no longer a part of reality. It seemed as if her mind was separated from her body and the two no longer co-existed together. Everything was hazy. She moved through the day automatically, not knowing what she was doing, She attended classes but she was in shock and even the voice of Alex speaking to her seemed distant and unreal.

She sat in the window during the lunch period, looking out at nothing, seeing only Wesley in her mind. She played with the ring as she thought about him. Alex came up the stairs but she didn't realize that he had even passed by. Finally Jaimie seemed to reach a decision. She slowly slid the ring off of her finger and dropped it into the sweater pocket. She stood up and walked to her locker where she removed Alex's sweater, hung it up inside the locker, and closed the door slowly. She walked back to the window and once more sat down, waiting...wating for the Monster Boy.

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