6:09 p.m. - Monday, Apr. 25, 2005
Moody Blues
I seem to be in the midst of some strong mood swings. First I'm happy and write some peppy things, then suddenly I become depressed and sullen and am afraid to post anything online at all. Belle's hormones have gone wild durin' the past couple of weeks. And I don't understand what's causin' it.
I had joined a lot of various email chat groups. Some of them had stationery creators in them as well, so I got a lot of pretty Incredimail built up to use on my email. Sometimes I get so much of it built up that I wonder my computer doesn't crash. Then I go on a rampage savin' it all onto disks, leavin' only my favorites to use. That cuts down on the amount of things on my hard drive.
I had some fun last week on one Yahoo group that I belong to. It's just for ladies. Sorry guys. It's fun to be able to make new friends to have fun with. They haven't had time to get used to me yet, so all my old funny stuff is new to them. That makes me feel good inside when they enjoy what I write. I enjoy the remarks. Especially last week. It was a lot of fun. Now I'm in the throes of a down mood which makes me think depressin' thoughts.
I kept lookin' for a good group to have interestin' upbeat chats and that I could take part in and finally found this one with ladies. Some of them are very religious and others aren't so religious so there is a mixture of various topics. Sometimes even prayers are written out for the group and posted. That's interestin'.
I really wish that I felt happier right now but, try as I might, the hormones just won't work with me. I've decided the best thing to do is to try to be very careful with my words online. I don't want to go into a cryin' bout on the groups. I nearly did that today while writin' a post which made me think of my Grandmother, who is no longer livin'. So far I haven't had any negative responses to my post which must seem like a shock to those who were beginnin' to think that I only wrote funny things all the time.
We did some paintin' in the house this weekend. And it seems like that's when the mood swings really took on a life of their own for some reason. I don't know if the paint fumes got to me or what? But the rooms look really nice now. And we have new curtains up. Very light and bright. So why am I depressed? Well, I know that the depression will pass. It usually does. It's just a matter of time. Tomorrow I may be on a high again and feelin' on top of the world.
I hate readin' depressin' things when I'm depressed myself. That's the last thing I need. Makes me feel even worse. I had to resign from one group I belonged to today, a different one than the one I spoke of a few moments ago. This one had ladies, most of whom were pregnant now or had a house full of pre-schoolers runnin' around trippin' all over themselves. They were constantly postin' complaints and this isn't just one or two times. This is for most of the time that I've been a member for a couple of months now. One lady was pregant and it was drivin' her nuts 'cause it was near to time for her to deliver but the baby wasn't ready to make its entrance. But then evidently, if she holds true to form, she'll only turn around and be pregnant again in a few months. Another lady,whose husband is named Bubba, constantly complains about him. And most of the others have their own sob stories too. So it was like a mutual complaint society to me and I had to finally resign. My nerves just wouldn't take it anymore.
I waited, hoping that maybe someone would write some fun posts and I stuck it out just as long as I possibly could because I hate writin' letters that don't really say the truth to people. I finally told them that I just felt I had nothin' much in common with them that would allow me to be an active contributor to the group. Then I hurried up and left the group before I could read the feedback. I did that once before when I wanted to leave the first time and they talked me into stayin'. Whew! What a relief it is to be out of that group. I resigned from a few others too. I may regret some of my resignations tomorrow, but today I only feel a sense of relief.
Now I only belong to about four active groups includin' the newest one that I first described. The ladies there seem to be more content and less gripey. So far I'm enjoyin' my time with them. And I find that I have a lot in common with many of them so it's easy to respond to their posts and to post comments that they enjoy as well. I like that.
At the present time I feel like I should become a hermit for awhile until this mood passes on away. I'm afraid I may lose friends right now if I'm not very careful. So, for that reason, I need to stop this entry too before I say something that might put Bev the Unknown onto my case again (see back a few entries).
I hate these mood swings. And I know y'all do too.
