2:01 p.m. - Sunday, May. 30, 2004
The Time of My Life
It seems like forever since I've written anything into Belle's Journal. For awhile life was truely dull and there was nothing to write about and then all at once things began happenin' so fast that I still didn't have time to write. *takes deep breath* I have not been on the computer much. Haven't had the time. I got behind in reading the diaries of my friends. I got behind postin' on the message boards.
And there's no where to really begin explainin' all that has happened. I've had a lot of physical problems, some sickness, some problems with my legs. I run fevers now and then caused by, I'm sure, the cellulitis where the blood isn't circulating properly. I went for weeks just barely makin' it each day. Most of my time was spent in bed sleepin' from the fever that would come and go. I have some medication to take, but there's no cure for this problem. All I can do is try to keep the infection down with medicine and lots of vitamins.
I've also been hearin' a lot of good things about aspirin. I think I will begin takin' some extras of that. It can't hurt. I know that aspirin thins the blood. Maybe that will help the cellulitis too--maybe not. I know that before surgery doctors will ask a patient not to take aspirin or aspirin products due to it's ability to so thin the blood that it can cause what is termed "free-bleeding" in some people. That's where the blood won't clot and it's nearly fatal during surgery or whenever a part of the body is cut into.
But one also hears of the good things that aspirin can do, like preventing strokes, lowering blood pressure, etc. My mother swears by aspirin. To her aspirin is the best medicine on earth and can cure nearly any malady, including insomnia. You have to understand my mother to truely appreciate her way of thinking. My mother is the kind of person who thinks that whatever she thinks is gospel and if you don't agree it makes her angry. I'm glad I don't have too many of that kind of person in my life. I have learned to wear kid gloves where my mother is concerned.
I used to try to reason with her, to explain that aspirin may be good for many things....but insomnia??? She has it so engrained into her mind that this is so that no one can convince her otherwise and I suppose, for her, it works for sleeplessness because she believes it will and her mind reacts to the belief. But whatever one does, do not, I repeat do not try to convince her that she is wrong. She will become insulted and the insult causes her to lose control of the remainder of her self-control so that she becomes angry and then downright hateful and scary. If you happen to be on the telephone with Mama when this takes place then she will slam the phone down on you and not call back for several days while she berates you to other members of the family because you are absolutely the most insensitive person in the world.
Of course sometimes it's good to have a few days respite from Mama. Usually I just laugh it off. She's on a lot of medication because of her heart. She has a heart-pacer following a near-death encounter with a heart-attack a couple of years ago. She has to take seven or eight different pills twice a day now and sometimes she forgets what medicine she's taken and what she hasn't. She has one of those little pill organizer boxes that has a box for each day of the week and she puts her meds into them. But then she will fill the box back up again with pills immediately instead of waiting until the end of the week when the last set of pills is taken. And finally she loses track of what day it is. So sometimes she ends up over-dosing herself.
When she over-doses I will know it because her memory becomes very bad. I mean VERY BAD. She will forget everything she said or did before the present moment. She will repeat herself numerous times re-telling the same incident over within moments of the previous time. And Heaven help us if anyone in the family tells her that she's already said that. She becomes angered and pouts like a child vowing not to talk anymore--until she forgets what she said only moments before.
I've heard of other heart patients experiencing memory loss due to the medication. Sometimes her doctor has had to refigure her dosages and the pharmacy has begun to follow the time of the last refill on the medications so that she can't get a new refill until the time on the previous order has been used up according to their records--if she takes them the right way. But that doesn't take into account her anger. Mama has gotten so upset with not being able to regulate her medication correctly that she's threatened to stop taking it altogether. And she has come close to doing it a few times so the family has to keep close tabs on her. One time just recently Mama told me that she'd gotten so aggravated that she'd flushed her meds down the toilet. Scared me to death. I had no idea if the pharmacy would be understanding of her having done that or think that it was just a ploy on her part to get more dosages. I was to the point of considering taking her to the doctor and having her write out a new prescription. But then she got over her mad spell and confessed that she hadn't really flushed the meds, only hidden them in her bedroom dressing drawer. That's one time I'm glad her memory didn't fail. Whew!
Mama does some crazy stuff so we have to watch her now all the time and that takes away a lot of time for doing other things. She's very weak and we have to do many things for her now that she can no longer do easily like mopping the floor. That exercise wears her out completely. She does take walks to the mailbox and that's a little bit of exercise for her. I think mopping and sweeping is just too much exercise at one time for her. So now I mop and sweep for her and wash dishes. She wants to still cook, but standing for too long over the stove can wear her down easily too. Cooking is the one house chore she enjoys and we can't convince her that she doesn't have to cook every day. If she knows someone is coming over, which is nearly each day, she wants to cook. She also likes to grocery shop. But many of the family don't have time to wait for her to take her time with shopping. They are in too much of a hurry. And she becomes depressed when she can't go shopping now and then. So guess what? Yep.
Between my own physical problems and Mama's my life is packed full with those two things to the extent that I no longer have much time to do things I love to do like be on the Internet a lot or read or watch movies as much. Mama and I don't share a love for the same kind of movies either so when I'm with her I feel deprived. I don't get to watch my favorites as much. I miss Matt, Val, and Ryan. I know however that they must now take a back seat to Mama's needs.
There used to be a comic strip called "Momma" that I loved reading. That "Momma" reminded me some of mine, especially when she didn't get her way. Of course she had a son who helped her and watched out for her, but Momma could be mean and sneaky at times--the one in the comic strip and lately mine too. Yep, seeing that now and then makes me laugh because the man who draws that comic must have had many of the same problems I have with my Mama.
One thing that I think I'm gaining from all of this is extreme patience. I am truly afraid that Mama may not last much longer at the rate she's going and so I try to overlook as much as I can and try to not aggravate her if I know that something will set her off. I listen to her repeat herself and try to act like I've never heard it before. This is rather difficult to do several times a day over just one subject. But I have learned how to relax and just be calm no matter what she says or does. Mama wants to argue with people who disagree with her, as I said, so I try to avoid letting her know that I don't believe as she does--even over the matter of the aspirin. I just try to keep my feelings all inside, knowing that later I will feel good about myself feeling that I really won the discussion because I didn't put myself into her bad graces. Believe me, that is a victory on its own in my opinion. You just don't know my Mama.
So if I don't get to read my favorite diaries as much lately this is why. I have no time any more that isn't taken up with doing battle with cellulitis or my Mama. I do want to say "Best Wishes" to my friend, Xtine. She was married recently to her love, David. I did get to read her entry right around the time her wedding took place according to her diary entry. You may want to stop by her site entitled
and drop her a note in her guestbook. Xtine has some pretty remarkable entries. There's never a dull moment in her life it seems. Be sure and tell her that Belle sent you. Thanks.
